


You make the spotlight more bearable

by harryisqueen



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Cheryl is a model, F/F, Suicide Attempt, Toni is a singer, choni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 18:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17249027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: Toni somehow always seems to understand what Cheryl's going through.





	You make the spotlight more bearable

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Past suicide attempts. If you may be triggered by this please don't read.  
> The national suicide helpline:1-800-273-8255

Cheryl walked off the run way the applause still ringing in her ears louder than the last time. Her heart was racing, hands were shaking. Shows never failed to give her that rush. The rush of adrenaline that somehow managed to keep her going.

Once she was back stage she saw her beautiful girlfriend Toni standing waiting for her with a bottle of water.

 “Thank you, Toni,” Chery said.

She took the water from Toni and took a small sip sending Toni a small flirtatious smile as she drank.

“How’s my beautiful girl.” Toni murmured pulling Cheryl in a kiss.

Cheryl’s face broke into the dorkiest smile at her girlfriend’s compliment. Toni never failed to give her that high school butterflies in the stomach feeling.

“I’m exhausted and not feeling too good. Kind of light headed.” Cheryl said resting her chin on Toni’s shoulder.

“Well Pea, Jug, & Betty had invited us to pops for dinner after your show but if you’re too tired we can go home.”

“No, we can go,” Cheryl said.

Toni smiled and laid a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s head pulling out her phone to send their friends a text letting them know they’d be coming to pops’. Cheryl and Toni then made their way to the back door to be led out by security.

The second Cheryl and Toni stepped foot outside of the giant venue screams erupted. Screams chanting Cheryl’s name photographers dying to get a photo of Toni and Cheryl for the front of their specific magazine. Cheryl felt her heart begin to beat faster and breathing begin to feel choppy. She shoved her face into Toni’s shoulder to avoid anyone catching a photo of her and to silence the screams.

The two of them finally reached the SUV that would take them to where they were meeting their friends. Cheryl all but scurried in. Once Toni was in and the doors to the car were slammed Cheryl finally felt as though she could breathe. She would never get used to the screams and the cheers. They made her heart race and her breathing stop in all the wrong ways.

Cheryl scooted over so she could lay her head on Toni’s shoulder. She closed her eyes as she heard Toni tell the driver where to take them.

The panic that Cheryl could never escape with crowds never affected Toni. In a way it made Cheryl feel secure like someone always truly had her backs when trying to force their way through the crowds of screaming fans there for both Cheryl & Toni. And at other times it made her feel weird. Weird because none of this affected Toni but Cheryl was so scared of the crowds she could barely pull herself out of the house.

Toni had been in the business so much longer than she and Cheryl convinced herself that this was the reason why Toni was more tolerable of crowds and shows and people.

 

“Baby we’re at pops,” Toni said.

Cheryl pulled herself up off Toni’s shoulder and waited for Toni to get out of the car then as usual Toni helped Cheryl climb out of the car. The two of them walked hand & hand into the diner where they could see their friends sitting waiting for them in a corner booth. Sweet pea had managed to cram himself in next to Betty & Jughead knowing how much Cheryl hated being cramped in the booths.

“Hey, guys! How was the show?” Betty asked as soon as they sat down.

“It was really good! I’m just exhausted.” Cheryl said.

“How about you Toni when’s your next show?” Sweet pea asked.

“How many times do I have to explain to you that I don’t have shows unless I’m on tour,” Toni said.

A waitress walked over to their table ready to take their order. Cheryl tried to not order anything but Toni was having none of it. Shooting her the warning look that if she didn’t order something she’d make a scene in front of their friends and make her get something. So Cheryl caved and ordered an order of fries and a hot dog.

The waitress took the others orders than with a promise of bringing back their food shortly walked off to give their orders to the cook.

Cheryl leaned her head on Toni’s shoulder again and was for the most part able to tune out the others conversation. She just really wasn’t feeling it today. The whole socializing thing. For some reason her anxiety had been heightened even further as of late. The shows were becoming so much for her to handle. And that hadn’t been the case in a long time. Not since Cheryl was 19.

Cheryl had been modeling since she was young. As a little 4-year-old her mother thrust her in the spotlight to be leered at and judged. Since she was just 10 years old her mother put her on absurd starvation diets that still stuck with her to this day. But everything really blew up and got crazy when she moved to Riverdale and started dating 24-year lead singer of the band United in life and death Toni Topaz.

Then her life was really thrown for a loop. She was constantly in the medias eye and to say they held a disliking towards her would be an understatement. For some reason everyone just assumed Cheryl was the spoiled rich bitch. And on top of that her mother who had kicked her out to live with her pervy manager at 14 suddenly wanted to be in her life again. No doubt because of the money Toni had.

That’s when Cheryl’s career really picked up. Which also caused Cheryl to spiral. Those “crazy & absurd” diets turned into something she felt she needed to keep herself in shape and sane. The media of course picked up on the rapid weight loss and lack of sleep. But before they were talking about the weight gain. She just couldn’t please anyone. And that made her spiral further.

Cheryl had sunk into such a dark place it felt as if she was clawing to pull herself above water but just never had the up body strength to pull. She could feel her legs kicking. Desperately begging & burning to be pulled above this terrible feeling she had swirling in her gut. She just couldn’t pull herself out of her place.

And that’s when she attempted to end her life for the third time. 3 suicide attempts is such a terrifying large number to her. She was blessed to have someone save her the first two times. This time around she almost wasn’t that lucky.

Toni had come back to the hotel they were staying in since she has on tour and found Cheryl. Cheryl knew it had to be traumatic for Toni to see her laying lifeless on the hotel bed a note and a bottle of pills laying on the bed side table.

After taking those pills all Cheryl could remember was waking up to see Toni sitting by her bed side with tear streaks trailing down her face & her hand clasped around Cheryl’s.  

“Toni?” Cheryl had asked in confusion.

“Oh my God Cheryl.”

Once Cheryl had awoken a nurse that had been standing in the corner watching her walked over to her to explain the whole situation at hand. She would have to stay in that hospital under 24-hour watch for 3 days. That felt like a punishment. A punishment for her failed attempt at ending her life.

“Cheryl, are you even listening?”

Cheryl’s eyes snapped open. She wasn’t sure if she had lost herself in her thoughts or genuinely fell asleep.

“Hmm?” She asked looking over at Jughead.

“We wanted to know when your next show was. Betty and I might try to come!”

“Oh um, December 14th I think. I can’t really remember right now I’m feeling really tired right now.”

“If you’re feeling tired we can get our food boxed once it comes then eat it at home.”

“I don’t want to be a part pooper but I am very tired and not feeling the hottest so that would be nice,” Cheryl said.

“If you guys want to leave that’s totally fine! I’m feeling pretty tired too.” Sweet-pea chimed in.

“Alright if you guys really don’t mind once the food comes Cheryl and I are going to head out.”

“Yeah that’s fine we’ll find another time when we can hang out longer,” Betty said.

Jughead flagged down their waitress and asked if they could have their food boxed so they could take it to go. The waitress then brought them their food boxed and their checks. Cheryl pulled her card out of her wallet and climbed out of the booth to go pay her and Toni’s check. Cheryl paid quickly then made her way back over to their table.

“Are you ready to go Toni?”

“Yep,” Toni said taking one more sip of her milk shake then sliding out of the booth.

 

Toni wrapped her arm around her girlfriend as they made their way out of pops. Seeing as it was 11 at night there was no media or paparazzi around to swarm them. Thank God. Cheryl didn’t think she could even handle that right now.

Toni’s motorcycle was sitting in pop’s diners parking lot. Cheryl was confused. They had ridden in their car to pops. How did that get here?

“Toni, what’s your motorcycle doing here?”

“It’s rare that I ever get the chance to use it and I know you like riding it even though you act as if you hate it so I had security drive it over here so we could ride it home.”

Cheryl couldn’t help the small smile that crept up her face. She loved Toni’s motorcycle. She always felt free. Like she could finally breathe. She could let out all that stress of being in the spotlight with her arms wrapped around her girlfriend’s middle as they flew down the back roads.

Toni handed Cheryl one of them helmets and then climbed on the bike Cheryl following shortly after. The two of them flew through the small town of Riverdale on the back of Toni’s bike. When they finally reached the small little house they rented Cheryl climbed off having to slightly steady herself. She was very tired.

The two of them made their way into their house. Toni set their food on the counter and made her way into their bedroom.

“Cheryl I figured we can change then eat and watch some tv.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Cheryl called back.

Cheryl walked into their bedroom so she could remove her makeup and climb into her pj’s. She pulled on her pajamas and wiped her makeup off then made her way back into the kitchen so she and Toni could eat.

When she walked into the kitchen she saw Toni had already laid their food out on the coffee table and had pulled up Netflix on their TV and was browsing. Cheryl walked into the living room and plopped down on the sofa next to Toni.

“What do you want to watch tonight?” Toni asked absentmindedly slinging her arm around Cheryl’s shoulder.

“You can decide tonight.”

Cheryl leaned forward slightly to retrieve her and Toni’s food. She sat the two boxes of food next to her in order to get comfy once again. Once Toni had finally settled on a tv show to watch. It was an episode of Brooklyn nine nine they had both seen too many times to count.

The two of them ate and watched their show in silence for a little while. Till Toni finally spoke.

“You seemed distant tonight Cher. What’s that about? Is everything okay?”

“I’m just really tired I guess,” Cheryl said.

 

“Cheryl I know how you act when you’re tired. Hell even when you’re exhausted and haven’t slept a wink in 2 days and it's definitely not like this. You seem distant. I don’t want to push boundaries but almost as if you’re getting bad again.”

“My anxiety has just been acting up again I guess. I should probably see my doctor about that.” Cheryl said taking the first bite out of her hotdog.

“Yes, you definitely should. I don’t want anything to happen to you. And making sure nothing happens to you includes making sure your mental health is intact.” Toni said with a small smile towards her girlfriend.

The two of them returned to eating for a few moments when Cheryl leaned over and laid a quick kiss on her girlfriend’s mouth.

“Not that I’m complaining but what was that for?” Toni asked with a small laugh.

“For just always understanding. I was struggling tonight. It’s a mix of me being exhausted and my anxiety levels being high lately I’ve just felt off and honestly depressed. You’re just such a wonderful light in my life as cheesy as it sounds.” Cheryl said.

Toni leaned planting a few light kisses over Cheryl’s forehead. A goofy smile spread over Cheryl’s face at the feel of her girlfriend’s lips on her forehead. Cheryl always felt like a teenager when Toni showed physical affection towards her. Growing up no one did that around her house. And it felt nice to be able to experience it now.

Cheryl finished half her food then placed the rest of it on the coffee table. She’d take care of that either tonight or tomorrow. She leaned back into her girlfriend pulling the blanket up to her chin. The warmth around her and the light sound of the Tv in the background made her incredibly sleepy.

Toni watched as her girlfriend began to doze. She truly was one lucky lady. Cheryl really was the best thing that ever happened to her. Toni sighed as she thought of the fact if she wanted to sleep in her and Cheryl’s bed tonight she’d either have to do the cruel thing and wake Cheryl up or carry her into their bedroom.

Toni, of course, chose the latter having done it enough times that it barely even affected her anymore. Toni put Cheryl’s leftovers in the fridge then returned to the living room to retrieve her girlfriend. Toni picked her up bridal style and carried her into their bedroom laying her on the bed. Toni pulled her pants off then climbed into bed.

She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss goodnight on Cheryl’s pouty lips.

“G’night Toni, I love you,” Cheryl mumbled rolling over to nuzzle herself into Toni’s body

“Love you too beautiful girl.” Toni murmured back.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?  
> follow me on tumblr! harryisqu33n.tumblr.com


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